Difference and Me

I am so glad to be a part of this blog. I thought I'd do a first post on my experience as a Chicana within a mainly White convert Buddhist community. I also think framing my experience with the dharma in a geographical context is helpful in explaining my experience: I was raised mainly in East L.A. and the San Gabriel Valley (the "SGV" is in East Los Angeles County). I grew up in neighborhoods that were heavily Latino and Asian. I was born in Monterey Park, a city that has the largest community of Chinese-Americans in the country. The first Buddhists I ever knew were people in the neighborhoods I frequented and grew up in.

Much later in my mid-twenties when I decided to become a serious student of the dharma, my entryway into dharma study and meditative practices happened through White convert communities. I have found great support, insight and spiritual nourishment through my sangha, but I must admit, it has been interesting to witness the blind spots in regards to people of color within my sangha, and within other sanghas I have been a part of in the past.

My first weekend retreat was a jarring experience in terms of diversity - on the last day of the retreat a white woman raised her hand in discussion and said she had a problem "with the whiteness in the room." At first I literally didn't know what she was talking about, and then it dawned on my she was talking about the amount of White people in the room. The two meditation teachers, who were also White, began talking about the lack of diversity as being a big problem. I decided to speak up and said what was my truth at the time, which was as a Latina from the eastside, I did feel somewhat uncomfortable being the only one like me there. Later on during the break a women came up to me and said "I'm glad you are here." I didn't know this person so the compliment felt very strange, I felt a bit like a token. I knew she meant well so I was not angry with the comment - I just felt sort of odd, perhaps oddly exoticized.

Since that time, I have not been in a place where issues of diversity have been brought up as a topic of discussion or reflection amongst the largely White sanghas I have been a part of. However, I am extremely grateful to be co-facilitating a local L.A. People of Color group with Erica Shehane which is a part of Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society http://againstthestream.org/ My hope is that one day, we can discuss these issues not only amongst people of color (which is still needed, I firmly believe in a "safe space" for people of color to talk about diversity within the dharma) but also with the White people of our sangha. Such a discussion about diversity amongst all people within a mixed-race sangha, would hopefully be one about understanding, discussion and listening even when the discussion at hand is uncomfortable or difficult to have: this is my dream.

What can I say? What can I do?

What can I say? Well first, my thanks to Firehorse for setting this up and getting us here, and to our first contributors for getting the ball rolling.  Second, I will say, "I am here." I am here to listen (read) and learn. I've shared a little of my background before, but I have little in the way of stories about race in the sanghas I have attended. While I have little experience or knowledge of issues of race in Buddhism, I think my background - growing up with an adopted brother from Vietnam, son of a social worker and diversity specialist, etc, has given me at least a sensitivity or awareness that there are such issues.

What I might be able to do, then, is present something of the 'middle ground' between the luminaries who are knowledgeable, experienced, and active on issues of race and Buddhism and those who are completely in the dark. From that place, here are a few observations.

1. Visibility. To people of color, race may well be something that is visible in everyday life, from magazine covers and TV shows to the contributor pages of Buddhist periodicals and teachers at our largest sanghas. But to white American Buddhists, race is rarely thought about, let alone made a topic of discussion. Blogs like this help shed light on that, but there is much, much more to be done.
   
   
2. Analogues. I like the analogy that Lori draws to feminism in the end of one of her pieces for three reasons. First, it shows what can be done. Feminists have won some truly wonderful and stunning victories, including those in the ranks of Buddhism.
   
   Second, it shows that this is not a struggle that will be won in a single fight, perhaps not even in the lifetimes of those reading this blog now. As a white male I am extremely grateful to feminists, in part because I have benefited from having an educated, active and outspoken mother and a successful sister. While feminists can by no means claim a final and resounding victory, I am sure that the lives of my mother and sister, and thus myself, have benefited enormously from the struggles of feminist leaders.
   
   Third, it highlights a difference for me, at least in degree, between sexism and racism. That difference is simply that about half the people I know are women, while very few are people of color. Thus when discrimination is present in these women's lives, I see it. As a man, I cannot escape the damaging effects of sexism on my friends and family. Yet as a white person, living in a mostly white community, working in white-dominated institutions, it is difficult for me to see, let alone feel the daily injustices wrought against people of color. That is something we all need to work on: those who are affected reaching out and those who do not see it reaching 'in'.
   
   
3. Inclusiveness. While I will never know just how it feels to be a person of color in our society, I do know what it feels like to feel out of place, unsafe, ridiculed, called names, bullied, etc. The harm of institutionalized and personal instances of racism is a deep, deep harm that can manifest in many ways. It is that harm which, together, we hope to address. While not to dilute or detract from the conversation of race, my goal as a Buddhist practitioner is to fight for racial equality and harmony not out of concern for myself or for any particular person or class of person, but because racial inequality and disharmony are causes of suffering. The suffering imposed upon the LGBTI community, those with mental illness, countless religious minorities and others deserve our equal attention. Something we all should never lose sight of is that suffering is suffering everywhere. All oppressed groups and individuals in our society should be treated as Allies in a broader/universal struggle.

As a fellow academic, I do so feel for Lori in her post here. Academia is rife with difficult, awkward (and often contentious) situations, but hers goes beyond anything I've experienced. Our discipline seems focused, like a high-speed train, on analysis and results, a constant outpouring of new ideas and insights. Those who work on the periphery, like Lori in studies on race and to a lesser extent myself in the field of Buddhist ethics, are often left to watch, like spectators, as the great train passes us by. 

Luckily for me, I have experienced really wonderful people in academia, both the contentious and the mild-mannered. So my plan is to both do my best to fit into this at times odd little world, and to work to change it such that our next generation of Loris never experience what she did.

And like Nathan, I am a supporter of POC groups, but still wonder what more I can do given the often paralyzing affects of racism. I hope that, for now, listening a lot and giving my tentative feedback, feelings, and opinions at times will be of help.Watching a final episode of the BBC's Planet Earth series today, I couldn't help but feel that environmentalism could be another fitting analogy for the struggle against racism. Just as we are deeply conditioned to consume, even to our own potential demise, we are deeply conditioned to divide between 'self' and 'other', and our physical differences are an easy target. Similarly, solving the problem cannot be a 'top-down' process where an enlightened few bestow upon the masses a new way of seeing the world. For anti-racism efforts to work, we may need to take the 84,000 Dharma-door approach, skilfully guiding each person and each group toward an awakening to the harm of racism.

Apologies if I've gone too far astray from our suggested format of sharing personal experiences and/or listening deeply to the experiences of others.